How To Move Out at 18 (As a Young Girl)

“If you wanna be a boss bitch, if you wanna be an alpha girl, you can do that but not in my house. You wanna do this, you wanna do that, you’re closer to Tom, Dick, and Harry than you are to your family. I know who you are, I’ve lived with you, and I know what time it is. I know what time it is.”

These are the words my father said to me around our family’s coffee table, with my youngest brother to my left and my mother to my right. He had called a family meeting, but the rest of my family was out of the house. My mother immediately started objecting, rising to her feet to helplessly plead on my behalf. This was January 2023, three months before my birthday and three months before he expected me to move out.

Now, I had been dreaming of moving away from my abusive household since I was a little girl, and since I realized how unhealthy my circumstances were. How wrong, how debilitating the whole situation was. Somewhere in my gut, I knew that I would die if I stayed.

When my father said these words, they rang in my ears. I stayed silent. Something I learned throughout my childhood, words that my older brother whispered in my ear as I cried onto his shoulder over my parent’s cruelty was “You cannot change what other people do, you can only change how you react to it.”

My father wanted me to spit, fight, cuss, rise to my feet and challenge him. I mean, that’s what my mother did whenever he kicked her out. But I am as much my father’s daughter as I am my mother’s. I nodded, stood up, went to my room, and started planning.

Now, I’m going to try and go over what steps I took to move out. Disclaimer: after some negotiations with my school, I was able to stay in my family home until I graduated in June. New York is pretty protective of their young adults, so remember to check the laws where you live (in some places, you can even sue for child support from the parent that is kicking you out if you are under the age of 21!).

0. Gather your Documents

This means driver’s license, passport, social security card, birth certificate, banking notes, high school transcript, etc. anything legal that has YOUR name on it. Your family does not need to know- I was able to ask my mother for my documents, but I have had friends who snuck around their house for weeks searching for documents to find them. Don’t be passive, they rightfully belong to you! Keep them safe and secure, and leave no trace you took them.

1. Money, Money, Money

My situation is not your situation. I would even go so far as to say I am extremely entitled. Throughout high school, I worked multiple jobs and didn’t have to help my family with bills. I had a paid-off car, (a shitty 2005 Suzuki). The only financial obligation I had was to save for college. You need to be METICULOUS about your savings and money.

I don’t mean to make this the longest step, but I will give y’all a run down of what I planned out.
- Look for housing available for rent on Zillow, Facebook marketplace, and Craigslist. You will most likely not be able to afford housing on your own, so move in with friends or vetted strangers.
- Pay the deposit, three months' rent, etc., and set aside 1k of “spending” money for your move-in. This means starting food, spices, a mattress and sheets, whatever. If you’re like me and you can’t take any furniture, don’t buy it. There is ALWAYS free high-quality furniture people are giving away.
- Open a credit card and start building your credit as soon as you find out that you are moving. If you don’t have a car, this will be what saves you. Don’t overspend, and research how to use credit effectively.
- Apply for jobs in advance. Once you’ve found where you will live, update your resume and say that you live there. Apply to jobs at least two months in advance of your move. You can do interviews online, stating that you are out of state handling family matters but are available to work starting X date. I interviewed for a camp counseling position this way, and got accepted, but ultimately turned down the job. You will most likely need multiple jobs.
- Apply to community college in the area, and get financial aid. My disbursements helped me get an extra 1-2k per school year, and it helped significantly in my financial status.
- Try to get jobs that are all in the same “vein” of field and that add certifications to your record. My jobs to date have been in a library, Daycare, Chipotle, Sex Shop, Tutoring, an Educational Nonprofit, and a Public School. Keep moving around and bolster your resume. I have doubled my income since 2023, and I plan to double it again.
- APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS. HOLY SHIT. APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS. I got 2k in scholarships for the end of my senior year, which helped SIGNIFICANTLY in my ability to move. I would not have been able to move without this money. You are, most likely, a young woman- there are millions of unclaimed scholarships each year. You should be submitting at least one application per day.
- Meet with a financial advisor. They often have free financial advising at libraries and colleges, or you can even sign up for them online. Learning how to budget is ESSENTIAL!
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2. Finish School Strong

If you’re in a situation like mine, DO NOT let your home circumstances affect your end-of-year performance in school. It may seem overwhelming to do all this, but study for your ACT, or SAT. Create a separate space for your home life and study life. What helped me was undownloading all social media (and staying undownloaded), letting my friends know that I couldn’t go out as often, and not inviting me (to curb party temptation), and my teachers gave me grace on assignments. People are generally kind, so don’t be afraid to ask. The worst thing they can say is no.

3. Reach out to support in the area you are leaving

My teachers gave me paper boxes so I could store my things, and I was able to start packing immediately. My guidance counselor helped me sign up for housing assistance in the state I moved to. My friends threw a going away party for me where they gave me household goods that I would eventually have to buy. Most importantly, a man who is no longer in my life anymore drove 10 hours to pick me up from NY, and then 12 hours back to NC (but he was a weirdo so tread carefully). As much as you may be able to do this on your own, don’t make your life harder- ask for help.

4. Make Connections in the are you are moving to

Join Facebook groups- a lot of them. Make a business such as a babysitting business, lawn mowing, cleaning, etc., and advertise yourself. You’re on your own now, so you have got to learn the hustle. Join Facebook groups like Buy Nothings and explain your situation. Women will support women, and there will be people to help you.

Some additional tips

Once you've made your dastardly escape, there's some things that I wanted to include that I think could help you.

Your family will try to stop you. Don’t let them.

My mother successfully convinced my two older brothers, who were going to take me to my new apartment (that I had already paid for) that I was being actively sex trafficked and if they drove me they would forever be guilty of that. Of COURSE, they didn’t fuckin drive me! Instead, I had to escape in the middle of the night with only two bags of clothes and a box of my belongings to drive 14 hours to my new place. They may take your keys, and physically block your exit. DON’T LET THEM. It will feel nice to be wanted, in a strange way, but they are hurting you. A woman I worked with, who had to do similar, had her mother threaten suicide in front of her by holding a razorblade to her wrists, saying “If you leave, I am killing myself.”. What did she do? She called the police and left as she heard the sirens. DON’T LET THEM.

Be careful who you tell that you are alone.

This piece of advice came from one of my rescue adults, a woman who I worked with and who served as my mentor and guide as I navigated moving away. I didn’t listen to her advice, and I got myself taken advantage of. As a young girl in a new city with little support but yourself, you’re like honey to weirdo flies and creepos who would love to “save you” and “help you”. Honestly, if I could redo everything, I would be extremely selective with who I told I was on my own. Even the people you initially meet who seem super supportive may be trying to hurt you


Sign up for Medicaid in your state as a dependent and at-risk youth.

You were at risk of homelessness, and you still are. You don’t receive any money from your parents, and they may be states away. APPLY FOR MEDICAID. This is the way I got therapy, and I kept up with my health despite making only 16k a year. Sign up for food stamps, housing assistance, and anything you can get.

Swallow your pride.

No one is too good for a food bank! You can usually ride the bus to them, and if you cannot you can walk. You may even be able to call the food bank and let them know that you do not have transportation.


That’s all I have for you guys. I know as I write this I make it sound so fucking easy. But this can’t be broken down into a simple list. Two years after I’ve moved out I’m still posting on poverty finance, I’m still reading articles and talking to trustworthy adults in my life. Because let me make this clear: this fucking sucks.

You are in a shitty situation. You are in a terrifying situation. This article won’t put food in your mouth, it won’t wipe your tears when you’re crying at the gas station as you ask the clerk to put 75 cents on pump 2. It won’t make the call to your landlord explaining that you’re gonna be a week behind on rent. But I hope this makes it a little less scary.

Everything will be worth it, I promise. This is suffering, but this is a suffering of your choosing. A slamming door and a raised voice won’t send your heart racing. The shadow of your abuse will not follow you- instead, it will just be you. It will always just be you.

There’s only so much you can heal and grow when you’re deprived of sunlight.

So, if you’re reading this, and your palms are sweating, and it feels like your heart is going to jump out of your chest, I am here to tell you: you will be okay. Any step, no matter how small, is worth it. You are not wrong, or crazy, or overreacting. You are not running away, you are not a coward or evil. You are strong and smart, and you’re too young to be in this position. You deserve so much more- and you are the only person that can do that for you.

On the other side of all of this, there’s someone that you have to meet. She’s assured, she’s clever, she’s a boss bitch and an alpha girl. She’s you, and she’s waiting.